Sexpectations part 2 – Communication

So you wanna have sex, someone else wants to have sex, and you both wanna have sex with each other. AWESOME, BUT FIRST LISTEN UP! You should talk with your chosen partner before, during and after.

Before sex, you need to know some things. Sex can encompass so many things, so it can be helpful (and fun) to talk about what you both want to do. As long as everyone involved is happily consenting, you’re good to go!

You should also determine what precautions need to be taken to ensure that whatever sex you have is safe. STDs are no fun, unwanted pregnancy is no fun, sex injuries are no fun. Educate yourself about STDs and contraception. I recommend Erika Moen’s Oh Joy Sex Toy comic on this topic (and all others too) 

During sex, communication is still extremely important. Sex is supposed to feel good. Don’t be afraid to tell your partner what feels good. Moan and squirm and pant, but if they don’t get the hint, tell them “hey that feels awesome, keep doing that, more to the left” whatever! If you’re partner is directing you, don’t take it as a knock against you, their enjoying themselves and want more! 

Likewise, if something doesn’t feel good, say something! If you’re having pain or discomfort, try adding lube, try changing your angles, don’t just blindly keep going. Ask if they’re doing okay, and listen to them! If you’re doing something and you decide that you don’t want to do it anymore, don’t do it. Tell your partner to stop, and decide what to do from there. If your partner asks you to stop doing something then stop! This is very important: Consent can be withdrawn. Nobody is entitled to your body. You are not obligated to give yourself to anyone. If you don’t want to do something, nobody can make you do it.

After sex, communication is still important. Even just lying together can help cement the enjoyment of what you’ve just done. If you liked something, talk about it. If you disliked something, talk about that. Some forms of kink or roleplay can be stressful, and you or your partner may need support afterwards. Aftercare is important, don’t skip it. Lot’s of porn passes up on that part, everybody gets off and the camera cuts away. That’s not how it goes in real life. You’ve had sex with a person, treat them like one afterwards.


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